For a little more reading…a thread on the show over at Fark.com. There’s some junk, but some great comments as well.
Archive for October, 2004
Welcome to My Life
Currently Playing: Simple Plan – Welcome to My Life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
1Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just dont belong1
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
2Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming2
No you dont know what its like
When nothing feels alright
You dont know what its like to be like me
3To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When youre down
To feel like youve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no ones there to save you
No you dont know what its like3
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
4Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?4
5Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside youre bleeding5
No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think Im happy
But Im not gonna be ok!
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You dont know what its like
What its like!
Welcome to my life
1We’ve all been here. This is the first year I’ve been at K-State that I’m starting to feel a little out of place. Like it’s time to move on. It’s not that out of place like I’m lost, just ready to move on.
2All the time. Well, not so much anymore because I have 2 roommates who are almost never both gone at the same time, but I used to do this all the time. I loved to escape to my room and turn up a good song really loud and sing at the top of my lungs. Or scream. Whatever my mood was.
3This was me middle of last semester. I mean I knew that things could be worse, but there were days when I had a hard time convincing myself that was true. I really was on the edge of breaking down. Luckily, I was able to get past it. I think it’s human nature to assume that no one could possibly understand where you’re coming from and how you’re feeling at any one given moment. I also believe that sometimes people really do have a pretty good idea of where you’re coming from. And as annoying as it might be when they try to help you, it’s important to remember that they really are just trying to help. Is that really such a terrible thing?
4This is a feeling I’ve felt a lot in the last few years. I think I’ve had a pretty good life overall. I haven’t been the most popular kid in school or the smartest or the most athletic or the best at anything. But it’s been good. Still, I’ve really felt like there is so much more to life. Like something is missing and I was afraid I was never going to figure out what it was. Now I know I’ve got a long ways to go before my life is over (at least I hope so), but that doesn’t mean a person can’t worry about stuff like that. I finally feel like I’ve found something more important in this life. I don’t know what I’d do without it.
5Unfortunately, I feel like this entirely too often. The world is such a cynical place and it can be so incredibly ugly. Just watch the news. Besides the cheesy uplifting story about puppies at the end of the newscast, when’s the last time you saw a significant story that wasn’t about tragedy, terrorism, or deceit? There is so much hate in the world it makes me sick. Even the things that are meant to bring people together (take religion for example) seems to do a great job of driving people apart. Moreover, it annoys me how fake some of the people around me can be. So many put on a face every day when they wake up, I wonder how often I actually get to see who they really are. So what if the real thing isn’t perfect? No one is. When’s the last time you let someone see who you really are?
Edit: I meant to put a little note at the bottom here that this hardly applies to me at all right now. But I’ve been there in the past, and I know people that are there now. Just because I’m not there now doesn’t mean I can’t relate.
Suggestions
I only need to take nine hours next semester to finish my degree in Management Information Systems. However, I’d like to stay a full time which means I need to take 12 hours. At least I need to start the semester with 12 hours. I don’t really wanna take anything too difficult or stressful, so I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to what I should take next semester. I figure I have a few options:
- Take some easy, low-level class with little homework.
- Take a few UFM classes like fencing or underwater basket weaving. (I just know someone will suggest Ballroom Dancing.)
- Take a slightly more challenging class that I’ll really enjoy. (How the hell do you know ahead of time if you’ll enjoy a class?)
- Retake finance and see if I can get an A. This option isn’t looking likely for a couple reasons. One, I hated finance and have no real desire to do it again. Two, as of now it’s my only B (I know, you all hate me…shh) but that seems likely to change after my performance on my first tests this semester, which would make retaking it completely pointless.
- Enroll in whatever and drop it after a week or two, taking it easy in my last semester at K-State. (Is that dishonest?)
Anyway, I’m looking for serious feedback here, so if anyone has thoughts on what I should do next semester, leave me comments. I enroll in about a week and a half, so the sooner I figure it out the better I’ll feel.
Ahh, new Simple Plan on the Radio. Gotta love it. I’ll save that for my next post.
Crunch Time
It’s gonna be a busy weekend. I’ve got page layouts to design for my group project and most of our second assignment still to program, not to mention the probably inevitable homework that will be coming my way in class today.
The football gods decided to place the OU game smack in the middle of my shifts on Saturday, meaning I get to give up yet more hours. Anyone wanna trade? Wait…I don’t think any CAs read this. Dylan, you don’t count.
Only one thing remains constant: Thursday night will not be spent doing homework! Come eight o’clock (or so), I put everything away and do something fun. Can’t I just skip the rest of today?
Yeah, the quality of this post is lacking. Sorry it sucks. Maybe I’ll have time for a good one in the next few days. Or maybe not. Don’t hold your breath.
Still waiting on that email.
Currently Playing: Black Eyed Peas – Where is the Love?
What’s wrong with the world mama?
People living like ain’t got no mamas
I think the whole world’s addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas yeah we tryin’ to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin’
In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin’ you’re bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that’s exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y’all
People killing people dying
Children hurtin’ you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m getting older y’all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin’
Selfishness got us followin’ the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we’re spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feeling under
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feeling down
It’s no wonder why sometimes I’m feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found
People killing people dying
Children hurtin’ you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?
Nintendro and Awesome
“There was this one time, when I hooked up my lawn mower to my nintendro. And after that, I got the high score every time!” It’s hard to believe those voices come from him.
Recap: I’ve had a great weekend. Amber and I headed out for Albion, Nebraska Friday afternoon. I was a little nervous about meeting her parents, but I had a good time. We ended up coming back Sunday night through some rain and just lazed around yesterday (kinda). Most of you probably don’t care about every detail, so I’ll hit the highlights:
- A town of 2000 has a country club, a bowling alley, “billboards,” and a “mall.”
- My sense of humor is similar to her dad’s.
- It is virtually impossible to sneak up on anyone in that house.
- A walk through a wildlife preserve. Sometimes wet toes are worth it.
- Three games of “cosmic” bowling. During the second game I got my first ever turkey, followed it up with a fourth strike and crushed Amber’s measly score of 112 with my best ever 169. Let her win you say? Psh. I didn’t have to. She got me in the other two (and I was trying).
- A 10 minute drive lands you in the middle of nowhere to see more stars than you can imagine.
- Knowing that without a doubt we’re both on the same page.
- Looking through old photographs.
- Spending the better part of a day at an estate auction and walking away with a coffee table for $2.
- I can still touch a ten foot rim, even in jeans and a sweatshirt.
- Willingly listening to country music. (What?!)
- Home cooked meals! From Boy Scout Hash to homemade pizza, I ate well.
- Driving the truck I almost owned.
- Four hour conversations.
- A feeling that gets stronger every single day.
- Leaving a good impression…? I hope so.
Currently Playing: Switchfoot – On Fire
I’m standing on the edge of me
I’m standing on the edge of everything I’ve never been before.
And I’ve been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge
And I’m on fire
When You’re near me
I’m on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries…
These mysteries…these mysteries
Ah you’re the mystery
You’re the mystery
Headed Out
We should be leaving in a few minutes. Don’t have time to write a whole lot, but I’m getting a little anxious. This weekend should be a nice break from all the tests and projects though. Wish me luck. Some details when I get back.
Bummer
So this post was originally going to be about how I felt pretty good about my Quant Management test yesterday when I left, but that kind of got overshadowed when I checked the scores for my two tests last week. One low B, one low C. Definitely not my best work, and not the way I was hoping to start off this semester’s tests. What makes it a little more annoying is that this semester I’ve probably been making the biggest effort of my college career to actually be ready for class and tests. I’ve actually been reading (most) everything required for class and I’ve studied more this semester than most all of last semester. Apparently it’s not enough. (Suck)
Now I know some people reading this would be thinking, “so he got a B and a C on two tests; so what? That’s average and above average, what’s wrong with that?” Well, nothing. Except that I know I can do better. I’ve been doing better all my life and I didn’t suddenly become average. I’m not trying to sound egotistical or arrogant, but the fact is I know that I’m capable of A’s, and so when I don’t get them I feel like I’ve let myself down. Now, of course, life will go on. I won’t beat myself up over it, but it’s still annoying. And you can bet that I’ll study harder next time. The only thing that sucks about that is that I already feel like I don’t have time to do the things I want to do outside of class…lets take away a little more time. Boo. Hiss.
I’ve got one more test before Fall Break, so I guess that’s my chance to redeem myself. Speaking of break, I’m really looking forward to it. Four whole days with nothing school related, and I’m even leaving the state. I’m going to meet Amber’s parents for the first time, so I’m a little nervous but pretty excited at the same time. I hope I can live up to expectations.
Well, I’ve wasted enough time here. Back to work.
Followup
A little more on the Zen Garden designs this page will let you easily switch the styles applied to the page. It’s insane how many there are. If people still don’t understand how it works, just ask me.
So I didn’t go to sleep until about 6:30am this morning. I was too busy having a wonderful conversation with someone very important to me. I love being able to be so completely open about the way I’m feeling and the things on my mind. Somehow we can talk about anything. It’s times like last night that tell me I’ve found the real deal.
OK, Kortney just got here, so now we need to scramble to learn Quantitative Management before our test tomorrow night. Hooray. (Sarcasm)
Currently Playing: Three Doors Down – When I’m Gone
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
Hold me when I’m scared
And love me when I’m gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I’ll never let you down
Even if I could
I’d Give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
Hooray for Weekends and Friends
I’ve spent the last two hours at the Putnam desk, but unlike most late night shifts, this one has been a lot of fun. Amber, Hannah, and Noel have been here with me playing card games like Egyptian Rat Slap, BS, and now Spoons. I love my friends!
Currently Playing: Frou Frou
Edit: Yeah, we also played War. Gotta love it. Also gotta love Hannah knocking a spoon my way about every other time, even if it didn’t do me any good. I was first out.